Various Phobias
by It's Fnicking Awesomeness
Summary: Previously 'me&sister'. What if members of the flock got random and ridiculous phobias? Hilarity, craziness, therapy, FAX, and NIGGY, obviously! Please review!
1. Showers

**A/N: Me: So this whole series of one-shots was inspired by a new unit in health.**

**Sister: At least that disgusting class is good for something!**

**Fang: Yea. When I had to go to school for those couple months, I wanted to hurt myself!**

**Me: I guess you don't have ****Xyrophobia, then, Emoboy!**

**Fang: First of all, I'm not emo- I just have great hair *swish*. Second, what is Xyrophobia?**

**Sister: *snort* *giggle* *giggle* Fear of… razors! BAHAHAHAHA!**

**Fang: Grrrrrrr!**

**Me: Uh oh… better do this quick! Wedon''renotgivinghimback!**

Max's POV

So we were crashing at my mom's place for a while, so I decided to get everyone clean (for a change). "OK everyone, youngest to oldest- shower time!" Everyone but the youngest three groaned.

****

It was three hours later, and the only one who hadn't taken a shower was, you guessed it, moi. As usual. So I stopped doing laundry and went to take my beloved shower.

****

I already missed showers! It had been… I don't even know… like three weeks since my last shower at mom's house! But everyone looked remotely… not utterly, completely disgusting… just a little worse for the wear. Wait a minute… except… Mr. Rock.

"Fang?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you take a shower at Mrs. Martinez's house?"

*shrug*

"Did you?"

*looks away*

"Why didn't you?"

*shrug* Ugh! I was getting nowhere with this boy!

"I'm not finished with you!"

****

It had been about a week since Fang and I had had our little one-sided conversation, and we had checked into hotel using my Maxcard. We all needed rest… and… showers!

****

Everyone had taken a shower. Except Fang and me. I watched this time. But when I went to go and drag Fang into the shower, I couldn't find him. He must be "blending". I figured he must really not want to take a shower, which only strengthened my resolve to find him.

'_Angel?'_

'_Yeah?'_

'_Where's Fang?'_

'_Hold on a second….'_

'_He's under the bed, blending.'_

'_Thanks, sweetie!'_

'_No problem!'_

I went to drag my boyfriend out from under the bed. Let me tell you, that boy can put up quite a fight when he wants to! But he's still no match for me.

"Max, I swear, I will do whatever you want just don't make me go int here!"

"Nope. You, my stinky friend, need a shower."

"Max, please!" he begged. _Whoa_. Fang actually _begged_. That paused me.

"Why?"

"It's… nothing… I just… it…" he then mumbled something I couldn't hear, even with my raptor hearing.

"What?" All I heard was mumbling. This went on for another five rounds until finally,

"I CAN'T DO IT! THE WATER… IT BURNS! AND THE DEMONS IN IT WANT TO TAKE MY ALPACAS!THEY WHISPER TO ME… AND THREATEN MY HAND ALPACAS! DON'T MAKE ME MAX! I'LL DIE! THE WATER WILL KILL ME!" he screamed.

_Whhaaaatttt? _I processed this, still holding him in a full nelson, while he started hyperventilating. So… Fang was afraid of water and washing. Ablutophobia. So what did I do to accommodate his phobia? I threw him in the shower. The screams were music to my ears. :)

**A/N: Me: HAHAHA Fang you pansy!**

**Fang: But you made up that story! *twitch***

**Max (over phone): No she didn't!**

**Fang: Max! *whine* Don't you love me? Help me escape!**

**Max: HAHAHA no.**

**Me: Escape?**

**Fang: Uhh….**

**Sister: *pulls house out from nowhere with an evil grin***

**Fang: $!%$***


	2. Otters

**A/N: Me: OMG! I never thought that this story would get so many reviews! Big thank yous to all who reviewed! Virtual cookies! (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

**Sister: Can I have one?**

**Me: Did you review? NO! I didn't think so. So NO COOKIES FOR YOU!**

**Fang: Can we just get on with the story?**

**Both: NOO!**

**Fang: Since they are now beating each other with weasels, I guess I'll do the disclaimer: They don't own MR (or me). **

Fang POV

Well… since Max THREW ME IN THE FREAKIN SHOWER TO BE EATEN BY FLIPPIN DEMONS, I need to find out what scares her. But what? But what….

****

After six days, ten hours, 39 minutes, and… 19 seconds, I have found it. Max's weakness! This is how I found out….

_Flashback_

"_Max? Can we please go to the zoo?" Angel asked. Oh god. She was already kicking up the Bambi eyes. I got out of eye range, but stayed to listen._

"_I don't know…." Max said doubtfully._

"_Max! Please please please please! They have giraffes and elephants and tigers and lions and bears and oh my ha-ha and they also have penguins and camels and zebras and antelopes and hawks and- oh do you think any are our relatives? That would be so cool! I wonder if we could talk to them. Well Angel could probably but I mean the rest of us with our mouth and-" said… well you know who._

"_NUDGE! FOR GOD'S SAKE I DON'T WANT TO BE DEAF TOO!" Iggy screamed. Nudge just looked sheepishly at the ground._

"_Well…" Max stalled. LOL she's totally gonna give in… wait… did I just say 'LOL'?_

"_PLEASE?" whined Angel and Nudge together, probably Bambi eyes at a 15 on a scale of one to ten. Max was beat._

"_OK." she admonished, sounding defeated. The cheers were deafening._

_****_

_We had been at the zoo for a good three hours, working our way from back to front _**(A/N: lol does anyone else's parents make them do this?)** _when we came to the otter cage. Max was talking to Iggy, describing what the zoo was like, when she stopped. She was silent and stiff as a board, staring at the next exhibit. There were cute (and yes, I did just say cute) little otters in it, playing tag. But Max was staring at them like one had morphed into an Eraser. I walked over behind her, trying to get the smirk off of my face. _

"_Boo!" I whispered, making her jump (literally) three feet in the air._

"_Fang!" she yelled. "What the heck?"_

"_Enjoying the exhibit?" I said, pointing to the otters. She looked cringed, and shuddered ever so slightly. "What's the matter. Maxie?" I taunted._

"_It's just… t-the cages… yea… the bars freak me out…." she stuttered. Right. Sure. I nodded and walked away, happy that I now had my revenge._

So Max was scared… of otters. Lutraphobia. So, of course, I snuck to the gift shop while everyone was eating, "borrowed" a toy otter, and came back just in time so that no one missed me. Revenge was going to be extra sweet.

****

I put the otter under Max's sheets when we went back to her mom's house. I set up Angel's camera in the corner, waiting to watch the tape.

****

At 11:37, I heard the first scream. Then another, then one so long/loud it heard my head. Everyone raced to Max's room to see what was wrong. Max was curled up in a ball, in the corner, screaming her head off.

"Max what's wrong?" Iggy asked urgently.

"The-t-th-the o-o-ot-" Max couldn't even finish her sentence. There was the stuffed otter, sitting calmly on her bed. Everyone, well except Iggy, looked at it, back to Max, at it, back to Max, and then-

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Nudge burst out laughing. Gazzy and Angel were in giggles on the floor, while Iggy was feeling the otter, trying to "see" what it was. When he figured it out, he was on the floor in laughter too. Even I couldn't help but chuckle.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Max shrieked. "HE WANTS TO EAT MY LIVER AND KIDNAP MY CROCODILE! HE TOLD ME AT THE ZOO! HE MUST HAVE FOLLOWED ME HERE! SERIOUSLY! STOP LAUGHING! HE'LL KILL YOU! HE'LL KILL YOU ALL AFTER HE'S DONE WITH MY LIVER AND CROCODILE! _STOP!_"

At this point, even I, Mr. No-show-emotion, couldn't breathe. I really hope I had gotten this on tape!

**A/N: Me: Awww otters are so cute. But our plan worked Sister….**

**Fang: What plan?**

**Sister: To get you to say the disclaimer! *giggle***

**Fang: WTF?**

**Me: Yup. You never participate.**

**Fang: You little-**

**Sister: LANGUAGE! *whacks with weasel* *Fang drops unconscious***

**Me: LOL! Well as long as people keep reviewing and liking this, I'll keep going. Soon every flock member will be… afflicted. G'day, mate! (I'm obsessed with Australia.)**

**Sister: R&R and also check out our profile please!**


	3. BO

**A/N: Me: Thank you to all who reviewed last chapter: TheCatWithTheHat, ****CHIA PETS -n- CHINCHILLAS****, ****BeautifulShadowsKeybearer1317****, ****FangtasticalFang****, ****guitardude10000000****, and ****Neon shoelaces and Fax****.**

**Sister: Also for the people who reviewed for chapter one: ****TheCatWithTheHat****, ****CHIA PETS -n- CHINCHILLAS****, ****Neon shoelaces and Fax****, Tanya, and Wingedgymnast12.**

**Fang: *groan* *moan* Uggggghhhhh….**

**Me: LOL looks like Fangy hasn't recovered from your weasel. Nice shot! *high five***

**Sister: Yea! *high fives back***

**Fang: Wha… happened? *twitch* AHH WEASEL!**

**Both: BWAHAHAHAHA! No, we don't own MR. BWAHAHAHAHA!**

Max POV

Grrr…. I was _so _ticked off at Fang right now! That was _so _not funny! Otters are freaking creepy, yo…. They have those little faces… and little paws…. *shudder*. I guess Fang did it to get back at me for the whole shower thing…. How was I supposed to know that he would faint from 'the demons' and almost drown? Oh well. I guess I can't get even… cause he got even… and then he would have to get even again… wait what? My brain hurts! :(

****

We, meaning everyone but me, had decided to take a little daytrip to the center of Arizona- Pheonix. It made me twitchy, being enclosed in people. I noticed Fang was uneasy, too- serves him right. He didn't back me up on not going to the city! We walked past a dumpster that was behind a restaurant, and Iggy suddenly stiffened. He sniffed a couple times, and started shaking.

"Iggy? What's the matter?" I asked softly.

"I… smell… something…." He said, oh so clearing up my confusion (note _sopping_ sarcasm.)

"What?" asked Mr. Caveman-me-no-speak-full-sentences (Fang, for you dullards out there).

"It… smells like… *sniff*… oh no…." Iggy looked like a deer in headlights.

"_What?"_ I asked impatiently. Flyboys? Erasers? White coats?

"Body odor!" Iggy whispered.

I could practically see the question mark above everyone's head.

"Uh… Iggy… you don't smell too fresh either." I reminded him.

"No… you don't understand… it's bad.. I can't smell anything else… its overwhelming… NO! GET AWAY! MAX I CAN'T MOVE! I CAN'T SMELL! I-"

"Iggy! Chill!" I yelled- we couldn't draw anymore attention. I took him over behind the dumpster. "What the heck's wrong with you?" His eyes were dilated in fear, his nostrils flaring, his body as stiff as a plank of wood.

"You don't understand… it's so bad… especially for me… I _need _to smell!" he whispered fearfully.

I was about to respond, when all of a sudden a 5 and a half foot tall Colombian with short dark hair, dark eyes, and semi-dark skin (not like black or anything, but more like Mexican, except he WASN'T MEXICAN) jumped out of the dumpster.

"HIII! My name is guitardude10000000!" He strangely had a laptop, even though he was living in a dumpster.

He did smell terrible, but Iggy did more than wrinkle his nose.

"HOLY GUACAMOLE! HE SMELLS! NOOOOOOO! MY POOR NOSE! AAAHHHHH!" he then proceeded to try to run away, but instead ran into the brick wall of the restaurant, and fell in an unconscious heap on the alley floor.

"What's his problem?" guitardude10000000 asked, looking at the blind idiot.

"Auotdysmophobia. Fear of someone who smells bad." I said.

"Oh. Sorry." guitardude10000000 said, while not looking sorry at all.

"It's ok." I said tiredly, while I picked up Iggy and walked back to the flock. Meanwhile, a brunette ran by in chucks screaming something about a "James having her mom!" **(A/N: Me: LOL crossover! Sister: AAAAAHHHHH! Fang: ? *twitch* AAAHHH WEASEL!)**

****

It was four days later, and I let Iggy think I had forgotten everything that happened that day. But I hadn't. Not… at… all. That night I put my plan into action. I had bought BO in a can at a prank store while Iggy was unconscious. While he was 'watching' Nightmare on Elm Street with everyone, I snuck into his room and sprayed it everywhere. And I mean _everywhere_. Underwear, pjs, socks, bed, teddy bear (yup, he had a teddy bear), bathroom towels…. I couldn't wait.

****

"Bedtime!" I yelled, itching to watch my prank. Everyone groaned, but went upstairs, Iggy first. _3… 2… 1…._

"! WHAT IS THAT SMELL? MY NOSE… CAN'T… HANDLE…." *GAG* *COUGH* *THUMP*

Jackpot.

**A/N: Me: LOL thanks to guitardude10000000 for the idea!**

**Sister: Yea she was about to use mwdp[fhfjk-"**

**Me: Don't tell them! It needs to be a surprise!**

**Fang: Why? They're gonna find out an- *twitch* AAAHHH WEASEL!**

**Me: Maybe he needs to go back to Saint's therapy…. *evil laugh***

**Fang: NO! I mean… whatever…. *shaky laugh***

**Sister: R&R! !**


	4. Long Words

**A/N: Me: Wingedgymnast12, ****whocares1313****, ****GallagherGirl4eva****, ****Neon shoelaces and Fax****, ****coolioperson18**** are the newest reviewers. Thanks so much! Free virtual waffles! (#) (#) (#) (#) (#)**

**Fang: If I never see another weasel again, it will be too soon!**

**Sister: Heehee… hey sis… what's the name for 'fear of weasels'?**

**Me: Weaselsaphobia. I swear on holy jelly beans that its true. The internet said so ;)**

**Fang: …Right….**

**Sister: SHUN THE NONBELEIVER! SHUN! SSSSSHHHHHHUUUUUUNNNNN! *whacks with weasel***

**Fang: *thump***

**Me: I don't own Maximum Ride! (or Charlie the Unicorn)**

Fang POV

Iggy was still pretty ticked off by the BO thing. So what if he's got a sensitive nose? I'm still afraid of the shower demons, and Max still thinks weasels are creepy (yo). But Iggy was carrying this on for way too long. It had been two weeks, and he still was wearing nose plugs and avoiding Max like the plague. So I decided to talk some sense into him.

"Iggy… this is ridiculous. Max had her fun, and now it's done." **(A/N: Me: LOL rhyming!) **

"Well… I guess maybe it's safe now…." he debated. My reply was cut off as the Motor Mouth let off one of her (almost literally) super sonic screams. And let me tell ya, it would literally leave your ears ringing for an hour. **(A/N: Me: That's what my screams are like. If anyone tried to kidnap me, I would be all like *scream* and he/she would be all like *thump holding head*. Mwahahaha). **Iggy and I ran into her room, and we say Max and Angel comforting a shaking and sobbing Nudge.

"What happened?" I asked. Max opened her mouth to reply when, all of a sudden, we were thrown into a random flashback. WTF?

_Flashback_

_Nudge was sitting on her bed, all alone. She was on Fang's laptop (shhhh!) looking for interesting facts on the internet. She loved spouting random, useless trivia._

_She was on this really cool website, and after she had finished reading about the world's strongest beer (leaves you over the legal blood content limit at one glass, she flipped to the next one._

_It was the world's longest word. 1,049 letters long, a scientific formula. But Nudge didn't read any of that- she had dropped the laptop, ran to the corner, and screamed bloody murder._

Huh. Weird. But at least I know what happened. I walked over to Nudge. "Nudge, what scared you?"

She shuddered, opened her mouth and said, "OMG SO I WAS LOOKING AT THIS WEBSITE ABOUT FACTS AND THE WORLD'S STRONGEST BEER AND THEN THAT THING ABOMINATION DISASTER BRAIN HURTER CAME UP AND IT SCARED THE GUMMY BEARS OUT OF ME AND I SCREAMED AND RAN AND SORRY I DROPPED YOUR LAPTOP BUT OH HOLY JELLY BEANS THAT WAS THE LONGEST WORD I'VE EVER SEEN AND IM SO SCARED DON'T LET IT HURT ME!" all… in… one… breath.

"So you have-" I started, but Max cut me off.

"Don't say it, Fang!" she growled. "It will freak her out more!"

"Say what? ?" I finished evilly, wanting to see Nudge's reactions. I wasn't disappointed.

"OMG THAT IS SO LONG THE LONG WORD GOBLINS ARE GONNA EAT ME UP HOLY CHEEZITS I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE _AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN!_" She bolted out of her window, and streaked off into the sky almost as fast as Max could go. Max turned and glared at me- Max's Glare of 'I'm gonna kill you in your sleep with a dull rusty knife'©. So I also bolted.

**A/N: Me: Sorry about the kind of well known phobia and the obvious victim, but I got a few reviews asking for it, so here it is.**

**Sister: You know, we don't have to do everything the reviewers ask, right?**

**Me: NO ONE ASKED YOU, DID THEY? *whacks with weasel***

**Me: Well… since I'm the only conscious creature in the house, please R&R! with holy jelly beans, scared gummy bears, and holy cheezits on top?**


	5. Crosswalks

**A/N: Me: shatteringsun, ****Hell'sAngel'sQueen****, ****Cherryberry758****, ****NeonShoelaces****, ****TheCatWithTheHat****, ****FangtasticalFang****, ****Cat In The Fedora Hat****, ****Neon shoelaces and Fax**** are the newest members of my favorite group of people (aka my reviewers). Hey y'all!**

**Fang: *face palm***

**Sister: What? She can pretend to be southern if shes want to! Don't make me get the weasel!**

**Fang: *flinch* No need, no need. But don't you guys have something(s) to tell them?**

**Me: Oh yeah! First, if you suggest a phobia for a character in a review, and it doesn't happen, please be patient. Each flock member will have more than one phobia! And the second thing… and the third thing… will have to wait until later! **

**Sister: This chapter is pretty short. But we **_**still**_** don't own MR!**

**Fang: But-**

Max POV

Jeezums… it took Nudge three whole days to recover from her… incident. I think my ears are still ringing…. Anyway. So our lives have been pretty calm since then… which means that all h-e-double-hockey-sticks is gonna break loose soon.

As it turns out, that didn't happen until almost two weeks later. We desperately needed some new clothes (I gave in when my shirt caught on a loose screw in my door and literally unraveled all the way to the kitchen. Let's just say Fang looked happily surprised… hehehe), so we were going to the Phoenix Mall. It all started with a crosswalk….

****

We were two crosswalks away from the Palace of Doom (aka the mall… *shudder*). Nudge grabbed Iggy's hand as we prepared to go across the street. He frowned a bit, but didn't shake her hand off, like he did with anyone else. Hmmm….

As we set off across the street, I heard a whimper behind me. I whirled around, half off the sidewalk, to find Gazzy attached to a lamp post. "What's up, Gaz?"

"Too many cars… too little space… gonna get it… gonna die… this is it… my last days on Earth… I can't go across… I'll never make it… the drivers here are mean… they'll run my bird butt over… I'll be a road pizza!" He seemed like he was talking to himself.

I looked at Fang, and he nodded. I hated to do this to the poor kid, but we were gonna miss our blue hand to walk. So Fang stooped over, wrestled Gazzy away from the pole, and set off across the street with us. He got one step off of the sidewalk before-

"NO! WHAT IN HADES ARE YOU DOING? CANT YOU SEE WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE? THIS STREET IS RIDICULOUS! WE'RE GONNA BE ROAD PIZZA! AND NOT EVEN GOOD TASTING ROAD PIZZA! WE'LL BE DISGUSTING DOMINO'S ROAD PIZZA INSTEAD OF LIKE PIZZA HUT ROAD PIZZA! WHY ME? WHY ME? I WANT TO LIVE!" he screamed, pounding on Fang. He grimaced, but didn't stop as we started on the second (and luckily final) crosswalk. What a man (thick sarcasm intended). Gazzy continued to scream bloody _freakin'_ murder. Apparently he had agyrophobia- fear of crossing the street.

To say the least, we had attracted the attention of every driver on the road that morning by the time we got into the mall. When we stopped in front of the doors, Fang let Gazzy down, and he then proceeded to kiss the grass.

"Oh sweet land! Sweet, non-asphalt land!" Gazzy yelled, rolling around in the grass. Well then. The other, sane (relatively speaking), five of us decided to walk through the doors. Gazzy could find us when he was done.

**A/N: Me: So the second thing is this. Sister has been working on a crack fic pretty much the whole time we've had the account, while I've been doing most of the work. So I gave her an ultimatum last Tuesday (it's Sunday now)- finish your first story by Sunday night, or get your own FanFiction account.**

**Fang: Mean, I know. Her own flesh and blood.**

**Sister: Well… it's not finished yet… so I may be getting my own account… *sigh*.**

**Me: And if she doesn't finish, the account name will change to 'It's Fnicking Awesomeness'. Remember that it's me!**

**Fang: The second thing also revolves around the sister separating. Instead of witty dialogue between the three of us, which would you prefer to see in A/N: funny quotes, funny short stories from B's (that's 'Me') life, random polls, or something else?**

**Me: Respond in a review, and you can help pick! You could get virtual cookies **_**and**_** waffles! (::) (#) **

**Sister: See ya!**


	6. Symmetrical Shapes

**A/N: Me: So Sister is basically off the account… so it's mine now… but she can "still write stories whenever she wants".**

**Fang: So beware of computer-hijacking sisters.**

**Me: Riiiiiiight… anyway… random fact about me of the day: I can **_**not stand it**_** when people run their nails over holographic images (the pictures that move when you turn it?).**

**Fang: ….**

**Me: What? It sends chills up my spine!**

**Fang: ….**

**Me: Whatever! I don't own MR! On with the story!**

Fang POV:

So, I was just chilling in my room, listening to My Chemical Romance **(A/N: Fang: I DON'T LISTEN TO EMO MUSIC!) **and checking the old blog. I could hear Nudge and Gazzy watching TV, Angel in her room, and Iggy starting dinner. No idea where Max was. It was… dare I say it… relaxing….

****

I had just shut down my laptop to go get dinner when I heard a curious noise on the roof. Huh… it's gone no- WAIT THERE IT IS AGAIN! I flew out my window, yelling to the rest of the flock in case it was an Eraser (ya ever know with these crazy scientist types…) or whatever. I landed on the roof in a fighting stance, the rest of the flock behind me… minus… Angel? WTF? I looked on the roof, and I saw Angel. I relaxed, along with everyone else.

"Angel, honey," Max said, "What are you doi-" She was interrupted by Angel sending us all a flash back… in our minds… it was creepy… she's turning into a creepy little kid….

'_Shut up and pay attention!' _Angel screeched in my head, causing me to wince.

_Flashback_

_Angel POV_

_So, there I was, looking through a Spot picture book, _**(A/N: Me: OMG I used to LOVE those books! Fang: *eye roll* Yea, me too. Me: *whacks with weasel* I've had enough of your sass, mister!) **_when all of a sudden, I see it. Right on the page! It's too horrifying for words, too disgusting for thoughts, too vile for… ugh… you get my point! I was too scared to move… until I heard the sudden sound of Gazzy dropping a bowl (by the way, smooth move butter fingers), which got me back to 'consciousness', and I jumped out the window, and I've been hiding from… *shudder*… it… since. But I can't go back in the house! That… abomination… is still in there, in my room! If I go in there, it will skewer me! It will dissect me like a frog, and eat my insides! I'll have to breath through the hole in my stomach! I'll have to be fed through my leg stubs! I'll-_

"OK we get it!" Nudge shouted, interrupting. How ironic. "But what was it? Was it a bug? 'Cause those are so small. But they still go to heaven. Ooohh Fang remember that one time you killed a spider and I had to give it a funeral? Oh that was sad! **(A/N: Me: LOL Diary of a Lovesick Mutant- check it out!)** Or maybe it was a stain! But how would a stain eat you? Maybe she's just overreacting guys, like that time I lost my shoe, and it turns out it was just in the closet? Oh, Iggy was mad at me for weeks, after I-"

Gazzy had tackled her, and they both went tumbling off the roof, only to rise a moment later and climb back on.

"What was it, sweetie?" Max asked. She was running out of patience, but only I could tell. We're just in sync that way. We're like soul mates… we were made for each other. I loved holding her, kissing her, and the way she- NO! Bad Fang! Pay attention!

"Well… it was a… a… sym… symme… oh I can't even utter the words! It's just too terrifying!" Angel cried, hyperventilating.

Max looked at me, a look that said 'your turn'. I sent her one back that said 'oh gee thanks'. But I kneeled down to Angel's level. "Angel, honey," I began, "you need to tell us what happened. We can take care of it, and we can all be… safe." I said.

"Ok…." she steeled herself, "It was… a…." she choked out, "a… symmetrical shape! Oh dear god don't make me see it or even say it again! It's just too even and… the same shape… its unnatural! It's disgusting! It's a freak of nature! Oh get it away from me! Help! Help me some-" She fainted and I had to catch her before she fell. I turned around, facing the flock with Angel twitching in my arms, **(A/N: Me: Whoa that sounded dark!) **muttering about not eating her kidneys. I raised an eyebrow.

"Symmetrophobia," Iggy said, trying not to laugh, but failing. Epically. "The fear of symmetry. What a nutcase!" Apparently he forgot his encounter with BO. He fell to the ground, laughing. He eventually rolled off the roof, laughing too hard to stop himself. We heard a huge *thunk*.

"Great. Now we have two unconscious bodies on our hands!" Gazzy said.

**A/N: Me: So I got only to revwies that last chapter… *Pout* Come one! I got nine revwies for one chaoter! You can do it! I belive in you! Revwie please… or end up like Fang!**

**Fang: *groan* *twitch* No, shower demons, no!**

**Me: MWAHAHAH! Second 'me-fact': I have really long (like 3 inches from my waist) light brown hair with both natural and artificial blonde highlights, with side bangs over my left eye (your right). NOW REVIEW!**


	7. Fun!

**A/N: Me: YAY more reviews! And I hereby present Bacon with these virtual snacks: (::) (#)**

**Fang: You people need to get lives!**

**Me: Like you have one. ***_**ohhh buuurrrnnn***_

**Fang: Where did that come from?**

**Me: My home boys, duh! Anyway… so you know that long hair I was talking about last chapter? Well… IU cut it O.O It's just to the top of my shoulder blades now. It's waaaaayyyy shorter than I thought it would be….**

**Fang: *still mad about burn* Well nobody cares!**

**Me: …. SHADDUP! Ok just a quick, fun thing: These are phobias I think the flock either a) have, b) would be bad to have, or c) I think they have.**

Obvious: 

Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.

Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.

Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets.

Chemophobia- Fear of chemicals or working with chemicals.

Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.

Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place. Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.

Iatrophobia- Fear of going to the doctor or of doctors.

Merinthophobia- Fear of being bound or tied up.

Nosocomephobia- Fear of hospitals.

Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.

Trypanophobia- Fear of injections.

Would be bad:

Acrophobia- Fear of heights.

Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.

Ancraophobia- Fear of wind.

Angrophobia - Fear of anger or of becoming angry.

Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances. Arsonphobia- Fear of fire (Iggy).

Atomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosions (Iggy).

Automysophobia- Fear of being dirty.

Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying.

Ballistophobia- Fear of missiles or bullets.

Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.

Epistaxiophobia- Fear of nosebleeds.

Hemophobia or Hemaphobia or Hematophobia- Fear of blood.

Melanophobia- Fear of the color black (Fang).

Odynophobia or Odynephobia- Fear of pain.

Ornithophobia- Fear of birds.

Pteromerhanophobia- Fear of flying.  
>Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers.<p>

Scotomaphobia- Fear of blindness in visual field (Iggy).

Traumatophobia- Fear of injury.

Xyrophobia-Fear of razors (LOL Fang).

I think:

Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.

Basophobia or Basiphobia- Inability to stand. Fear of walking or falling.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors (Fang).

Laliophobia or Lalophobia- Fear of speaking (Fang).

Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple. (Fang).

Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow (Fang).

**A/N: Me: Hah imagine if Fang was scared of the color black… what would he wear?**

**Fang: *glare***

**Me: :P Anyway… my favorite cake **_**ever**_** is lemon! Yummy! NOW REVIEW OR I WILL SEND DORA CLONES, BARNEY CLONES, ELMO CLONES, AND OTHER SUCH MONSTROSITIES AFTER YOU!**


	8. Black

**A/N: Me: So I got this idea from Bacon. **

**Fang: Why me? Why couldn't a sane person kidnap me? First Saint, now this….**

**Me: Aw Fangy, you know you love me!**

**Fang: *glare***

**Me: Psh. He'll get over it. Fact: I have been to both Australia (BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD! I SINCERELY HAVE PLANS TO MOVE THERE WHEN I FINISH MED SCHOOL) and Canada (second best place in the world). Not bad for a 15 year old.**

**Fang: She's obsessed with Australia. Give her an Australian with an accent, she goes nuts. Or a platypus.**

**Me: Stay out of this Fang! Anyway, me no own MR :(**

Max POV

Why does my life hate me? Every time we start feeling even _semi close_ to normal, something whacked happens. Like right now. Fang had just bleached all of his clothes, and tried to shave his-

Wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll start at the beginning.

****

It all started out as a normal day. I woke up to the sounds of bacon frying (I think Iggy has an addiction or something….), Nudge chattering about… eww Justin Beiber **(A/N: Me: I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth!)**, and Angel explaining to Gazzy about why Hitler started the Holocaust. She scares me sometimes. And, I couldn't hear Fang. Quel surprise.

I stretched and walked downstairs. As I passed Fang's room, I thought I heard a whimper. But I thought nothing of it, because Mr.-too-manly would never _whimper_. He was probably still asleep, or doing something on his laptop. I think he has an addiction.

I came into the kitchen, sat down, and wolfed down fresh waffles and bacon, provided by Iggy.

It was about 10 am, half an hour after I had finished breakfast, that I began to worry about Fang. He was usually one of the first up.

It was at 11:30 that I decided to check on him. Maybe he wasn't feeling well. As I walked up the stairs, I swear I heard another whimper from Fang's room. I threw the door open, concerned now, and that's when I caught up to myself. I'll go back now.

****

Why does my life hate me? Every time we start feeling even _semi close_ to normal, something whacked happens. Like right now. I walked in on Fan, wearing previously black clothes that were bleached chemical white. I saw that all of his clothes were pilled out of his closet ad bleached, soaking into (and ruining) the carpet. He was curled up in a corner, trying to… shave off his hair? That I could _not_ allow! I _loved_ his emo hair! **(A/N: Fang: NOT EMO!) **I tackled him, threw away the razor, and pulled him to his feet. "Fang? What the heck?" I yelled.

"I can't stand it anymore! It's all around me! My hair, my clothes, even my wings! All the same… so dark… so boring… so… lifeless!" he muttered. WTF?

"Fang," I said, using my best patient-leader voice, "What. Is. Wrong?"

"Black." he whispered. "It surrounds me. It symbolizes Satan and monsters and stuff. It scares me. I don't like it. Please make it all go away! MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!" His voice had steadily risen into yelling at the end.

"But, Fang, you love black. You _are_ the color black… like… personified! Hair, wings, eyebrows, even your eyes are black!" Obviously this was the wrong thing to say.

"I KNOW! I HAVE TO GET IT OFF! BLEACH MY COTHES, SHAVE MY HAIR AND EYEBROWS, DYE MY WINGS, GOUGE OUT MY EYES! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT HIDES IN… the !" he shrieked, but whispered the last part about darkness. This was officially out of control.

Fang lunged for the razor, and then proceeded to shave both of his eyebrows off. Lovely. "Fang, you have to stop!" Ugh first the shower demons, now this?

"NO! THE SHOWER DEMONS CAN HIDE IN BLACK! NO MORE BLACK, NO MORE SHOWER DEMONS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oh God. Now he was hysterical… like… I don't know… a maniac chicken on crack? He grabbed a bottle of blonde hair dye, then throw it on his back in attempt to get "the daaaaarrrrrkneeeeessssss" out of his wings. That's it. I love his wings almost as much as his emo hair **(A/N: Fang: Ugh I give up!). **So I did what I had to do- I tackled him again, and knocked him out with the shoulder-nerve-squeezey-thingy. I sighed. Again- why des my life hate me?

**A/N: Me: This story has… 34 reviews, 886 hits, 6 favorites, and 6 alerts. I love you guys! Keep reviewing, and spread the word to your friends! **

**Fang: I think you need a mental hospital more than anything. Why would I be scared of black? Me and black, we're tight.**

**Me: *waves black feather *coughcoughnotfromFang'swingnonevercough* in face***

**Fang: *flinch* *squeak***

**Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Second fact about me: My ultimate goal in life is to become a transplant surgeon here in the US, move to Australia, live in Mooloolaba (you Australians know what's up), get big bucks, and own a platypus. In a nutshell.**

**Fang: Like I said, nutcase.**

**Me: *waves feather***

**Fang: *squeal* *glare***


	9. Trees

**A/N: Me: HIIIIII! This idea is from TheCatWithTheHat.**

**Fang: You people need lives! Get off the internet and write a real book or something!**

**Me: *gasp* Fang! That is no way to talk to our loyal reviewers! *whacks with weasel***

**Fang: *thump***

**Me: I think that's the third or fourth time he's been incapacitated by a weasel. LOL I went to the zoo today ('cause it's my birthday! 4/18! I'm finally 15! :D) and I saw otters. I cracked up, and I'm pretty sure my mom thinks I'm whack…. Oh well. Fact: If Chick-fil-A went out of business I would die. Their chicken is **_**da best**_**… and don't even get me started on their milkshakes!**

**Fang: B… doesn't… own…. *groan***

**Me: ! :D**

Fang POV

It's moments like these that make me question whether Max should actually be flock leader. I mean… first otters… and now this? Here… let me explain in a way only the Fangster can…. DA NANANANANANANANANANANANANANA FLASHBACK!

_Flashback_

_We were in the middle of another fight. We had beaten Itex, but occasionally random groups of, like, ten bad guys (usually good ol' flying Eraser buddies) would show up. Then we would have to kick butt._

_I whirled around into a helicopter kick, smashing one Eraser in the jaw, and also catching another in his… soft spot, so to say. Even I cringed at that hit. They both dropped like rocks. Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel were fighting an Eraser each. Well… Gazzy threw small bombs at his, Nudge used her expanding metal abilities to literally rip hers apart, and Angel… was making hers punch himself in the stomach. Cookies, she's scary sometimes. Iggy took out two or three with a well placed bomb, and I caught Max whipping two of 'em into shape._

_I high fived Iggy, then I noticed something on the ground. A helicopter! Ohhhhh nubcakes- that's never good. "Max!" I called over, "They got a helicopter!"_

_She looked down, and then yelled, "Scatter!" I looked around to where we could go. Iggy and Gazzy split off to the right, to some nearby cliffs. Nudge and Angel went to the left to a small town (risky, but definitely a good hiding place). I looked behind me- a forest! Perfect! I flew over to Max. "Forest." I pointed._

_She looked… and paled? "How about the town?" she asked, her voice… shaking?_

"_Nope. The girls already have it."_

"_The cliffs?" she asked… hopefully?_

"_Nope. The guys got that." What was up with her?_

_She was … like… trembling. "Maybe we won't have to fly away…." _

"_Max." I said firmly. "What's the matter with you?"_

"_It's just… those trees… they whisper my name sometimes… and they hide things like… squirrels… they really creep me out, Fang!" W. T. F?_

"_Whaaaaaaat?" I said, mouth hanging open. "You're scared of _trees?_"_

"_You can't make me go in there Fang! No way, Hosé. I am _not_ using those creeper trees to hide in! They probably are feeling me up with those branches! I hate trees! Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em! I hate them almost as much as… *shudder* otters! I'll hit one, or one will hit me, and I'll be dead and like… turn into a tree. Or an otter! Or worse… AN OTTER TREE! OH DEAR CHICKEN NUGGETS I'M NOT GOING IN THERE! HEY ERASERS! YOU CAN COME AND GET ME, CAUSE I AM NOT GOING IN THE TREES! I DON'T CARE IF YO-"_

_I started flying, carrying her, towards the trees, phobia be pooed on by birds. No pun intended. It was hard, though, considering she kept _punching me_. We had finally gotten to the tree line before the helicopter started. Max was throwing a hissy fit, which only got louder as we continued into the trees to hide. _

"_FANG OUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE RIGHT-WING MAN AND AN EVEN WORSE BOYFRIEND! I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP WITH A DULL, RUSTY KNIFE! YOU LITTLE MOTHER-" Luckily she didn't get to finish her insult, because I 'accidentally' hit her head a wee bit too hard on a tree. Oops. Oh well._

So there ya have it. The great Max Ride has dendrophobia- fear of trees. Considering they've sheltered us quite often, and we're two percent bird, it's a little ironic. Don't you think?

**A/N: Me: I don't know Fang… you- flock leader? The first time Nudge cried over a ripped piece of clothing, you'd run away.**

**Fang: *twitch* *moan***

**Me: Oh RIIIIGGGHHHHTTT. You're still K.O. Anyway… second fact… my nickname (within the family) is monkey, because ever since I could walk, I would climb and jump on **_**everything**_**. Including people. REVIEW OR THE EAR-EATING ALPACAS WILL COME FOR YOU!**


	10. Raindrops

**A/N: Me: Mmmmkkkk. Next chapter, ya? Sorry this ione is pretty short, but I'm not focused today. :P**

**Fang: ?**

**Me: :l**

**Fang: O.O**

**Me: Beard! O**

**Fang: O.o**

**Me no ownie! Oh oh almost forgot- fact: I was **_**running**_** by the age of 9 months.**

Max POV

Well… I will never live that down, will I? No, I didn't think so either. And now some smart-a…leck keeps leaving pictures of trees in my room, and putting leaves on my pillow! *coughcoughFangcough*. Sigh. Stupid, hot idiot.

Anyway… I decided that in order to prevent any ridiculousness that we would just stay at home and play with sprinklers and board games 'n' stuff. Yea right.

****

Angel, Nudge, Gazzy, and Iggy were outside, playing with hula hoops, a slip 'n' slide, and some water guns. Although, Iggy and Gazzy had probably modified them to shoot actually bullets or something. One could never know. I was inside the house with Fang, chilling on the couch, watching reruns of Lost. You know, the episode where Lock doesn't push the numbers and the whole hatch, like, spazzes? Anyway, I was leaning on his shoulder, and he was stroking my hair. Of course, peaceful moments can't last forever, right?

I sat up immediately when I heard Iggy scream. You know, at first, I thought it was Nudge, it was so high pitched. It took me a second to identify that it was, in fact, a 16 year old Iggy screaming like a 13 year old girl. Nice.

Anyway, Fang and I ran outside to see if we were being attacked, or whatever. We weren't. I noticed it was starting to drizzle the weensiest bit. I ran up to Iggy to see what was wrong. "Ig, what happened?"

In response, he grabbed my shirt (I still don't know how he does that) and yelled, "MAX MAX MAX! I NEEEEEEEED TO GEEEEEET INSIIIIIIIIDE! THEY'RE COMING! THEY'RE COOOOMMMMMIIIINNNNNGGGG!" What the F was his problem?

"What the F is your problem, Iggy?" I asked, half choking from his grip on my shirt.

Now he was whispering, "You don't understand, do you? I can't be outside when… _they_ come for me! They'll learn all my secrets! By all the sacred alpacas in the world, Max, don't let that happen to me! YOU CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME!" He dropped me, then proceeded to run into the house. Only… I forgot to tell him, or more appropriately, Fang forgot to tell him, that Fang had closed the glass storm door. Which means…. Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark!

I sighed, then walked over to pick Iggy up (with Fang's help, of course, since this was half his fault). We walked him over to the slip 'n' slide, then threw water all over him. Suffice to say, he woke up. (Read: He jumped to his feet, screamed like Nudge again, then ran around in circles around the yard). I still hadn't figured out what the heck was going on with him. "Angel?"

"Yea?"

"Can you see what is going on inside Iggy's head?"

"Sure!" Intense concentration went over her face. All of a sudden, she collapsed, shaking.

"Angel what's wrong sweetie?" I asked, helping her sit up.

"It's just… his head… it's so… so… whacked!" she whispered, burrowing her head into my neck. Well, that I already knew.

"Could you tell me what he's freaking out about?" I asked gently, not wanting to upset her anymore.

"Umm… I think it was… raindrops."

"Raindrops?"

"Raindrops."

"_Raindrops_."

"Raindrops." Oh my sweet lordy that boy is crazier than a horse visiting a glue factory. **(A/N: Me: Terrible, I know, but it's the first thing that came to mind. Don't worry- I adore horses!) **"Fang?" I called.

"Yea?" he said, _right behind me_.

"Gah! I… you… I thought… argh stop that!" He just smirked. Sigh. "Iggy is scared… of _raindrops_." He raised an eyebrow.

"I'll go talk to him." Fang said, then loped over to where Iggy was now trying, and failing epically, to climb a tree in order to get away from the rain. Why that made sense to him, I have no idea. I watched as Fang coaxed him down, talked to him, and got punched in the face by a, now panicking, Iggy. Oh boy. Never send a man to do a woman's job.

I ran over there, literally picked Iggy up, and marched him into the house. He was yelling about how "I can't get hit by them! Every time I get hit, they steal my secrets! Then they end them to the sacred alpacas! Max let me down! I have to go inside!" until we went through the door. I threw him on the couch.

"Iggy, we need to have a chat. Apparently, you have pluviophobia."

**A/N: Me: LOL that phobia is French! The french verb meaning 'to rain' is pleuvoir. Yay! Knowledge!**

**Fang: Hey B. Can you teach me French?**

**Me: Sure! **_**Tais-toi!**_

**Fang: What does it mean?**

**Me: It means shut up!**

**Fang: O.o**

**Me: *big innocent smile* **_**Tu sais je t'adore, Fang. **_**Anyway. Fact **_**numero deux**_**: My arm and leg muscles are bigger than my brother's. :) Please review! I need (helpful) criticism. Tell me what your guys want with this story. I am here to please you! Not really, but it's a happy thought for you. **


	11. Disorder

**A/N: Me: Hi! I'm sorry CrazyMax13, but I don't think there's a word for fear of your epic ninja skills :( But fear of bacon, that would mean this story would have to go into horror! But guess who's here today?**

**Sister: HiHi! YOU MUST READ MY STORY! OR ELSE I WILL TIE UP SISSY AND SHE WILL NEVER WRITE AGAIN, OR MY HAND ALPACAS WILL EAT YOUR FACES BECAUSE I WILL CONVINCE THEM THAT THEY ARE GIANT EARS!**

**Me: O.o Fang help me!**

**Fang: Nah, I'm good. *eats popcorn***

**Me: If you love me, read her story! I don't wanna never write again! T.T But here's a fact: My best friend and I have been best friends since we met when we were 3.**

**Sister: MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But, for cereal, we don't own MR. But I'm pretty sure that we own Fang now. It's been a month.**

**Fang: XP**

Fang POV

Why did Iggy punch me? I thought we were bros! But, more importantly, why did nobody get me inside? I woke up two hours after everyone had gone inside. How did I wake up, you ask? Well, I got hit. By lightning. Thanks a lot, guys.

Anyway, once I got inside, threw away by burned clothes, and took a warm shower to keep away hypothermia, I went back to what I was doing- chilling with Max. Which is, coincidentally, my favorite thing to do.

We had just finished the episode of Lost, and we were about to watch CSI, when _it _happened. What as 'it'? Well, it came in the form of an African-American bird girl with tawny wings and a voice box that I'm sure is almost dead from over use.

_Flaaaaaaashbaaaaaaaack_

"_ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG! MAXMAXMAXMAX FANGFANGFANGFANG IGGYIGGYIGGYIGGY GAZZYGAZZYGAZZYGAZZY ANGELANGELANGELANGEL! YOU GUYS NEEEEEED TO GET UP HERE! THIS IS INSANE! ARE YOU GUYS 2% PIG OR SOMETHING? I MEAN LOOK AT THIS! THIS IS… ! *thump* *thumpthumpthumpthump* Those thumps you heard were Nudge fainting, then falling down the stairs. That's gonna leave a mark! We were so tired of running to help people, just to find out they were scared of something utterly ridiculous, that we slowly walked over to the base of the stairs. Nudge was laying there, twitching. _

"_Nudge?" Iggy said? "Are you alright?" He gently shook her until she woke up._

"_Wha… huh? What happened?" she asked blearily._

"_Uh, you were screaming about something upstairs, then you fainted and fell down the stairs." Gazzy said. Nudge looked up at him, a multitude of feelings written on her face: confusion, realization, sadness, and finally horror. he looked ridiculous. That's why I prefer being a wall._

"_ZOMGZOMGZOMGZOMG! MAXMAXMAXMAX FANGFANGFANGFANG IGGYIGGYIGGYIGGY GAZZYGAZZYGAZZYGAZZY ANGELANGELANGELANGEL! YOU GUYS NE-" I slapped a hand across her mouth._

"_NUDGE! We get it!" I yelled. I peeled my fingers off of her face. "What's up there? Another spider?" She looked at me with wide eyes._

"_The mess." she whispered before fainting. I looked at Max. She rolled her eyes and went up the stairs, me following._

_We walked into Gazzy and Iggy's room, where she was screaming from. I have to admit, it was a mess. But there weren't any rotting body parts or anything (at least… not in plain sight), so I don't know what her problem is. _

_I looked at Max again. "It looks like we have another phobia to cure." she sadi tiredly._

_I nodded. "Ataxiophobia."_

So, there you have it. The latest chronicle in our messed up lives. Max says if this continues, we have to go to therapy. She asked me if I new any good places, and looked concerned when went pale and shuddered. I did know a place, but we're sure as _bunnies_ not going anywhere near that place. Ever. Again.

**A/N: Meh… not my best work.**

**Fang: Yea… do you have writer's block? *smirk***

**Sister: Yea, you really sucked this chapter!**

**Me: *glare* No, it's spring break, I have a whole french project to do, and anyone but Max and Fang are hard to write about! But stay tuned… I have something **_**awesometastic **_** planned for chapter… 14!**

**Fang: Uh huh… suuuuure.**

**Sister: Fang, you're a butthead.**

**Fang: *shrugs: Comes with the package.**

**Me: Fang, so help me I ****will wrap your face in saran wrap while you sleep, slit your throat with a rusty knife, beat you with a sauce pan, and burn you! (© CrazyMax13) Fact #2: I get to go to South Carolina with said best friend the first week of August!**

**Sister: Don't worry, I'll post something so you have something to read that week!**

**Fang: Oh dear pancakes, if it's anything like the last one, we're all in trouble! **

**Me: REVIEW!**


	12. Silk

**A/N: Me: Heeyyyy I'm baaaaaack!**

**Fang: *eye roll* Oh joy.**

**Me: Oh, shut up emo-boy!**

**Fang: *death glare***

**Me: Oooh, I'm so scared! *not* Anyway, thank you ****TheCatWithTheHat for submitting this following review last chapter: "Hey, Good work. One question: why did fang take a shower, if he's afraid of the shower demons? Just a thought." O.o Darn you smart reviewer! So I change that part of the story: "**Anyway, once I got inside, threw away by burned clothes, and opted to use the hairdryer to keep away hypothermia, I went back to what I was doing- chilling with Max." **All better!**

**Fang: LOL you suck at writing! XD**

**Me: … Did you just say 'LOL'?**

**Fang: Uhhh… no?**

**Me: *eye roll* Whatevs. Fact o' the Day: Blow by Kesha is one song I will dance to, no matter where I am when I hear it.**

**Fang: Wow. You're a cool kid. She still doesn't own MR though. Or me. Ever.**

Max POV

Hmm. Why was Fang so against the thought of a little therapy? He looked… nah… he couldn't be… _afraid_. But I had already made up my mind- therapy would benefit all of us. Especially, Mr. Oh-Don't-Let-the-Shower-Demons-Get-Me.

I was laying on my bed, trying to take a nap. I mean, it's stressful when everyone in your family has a new and utterly dumb-butt phobia(s). Let's recount, shall we?

Me: Otters (still can't go to the zoo or watch Animal Planet) and trees (deforestation is looking pretty good to me).

Fang: Showers (I see that he now likes to use hairdryers… but for what?) and black (I convinced him to leave his hair, eyes, and feathers alone, but he doesn't wear black anymore… it's actually quite creepy).

Iggy: B.O. (he won't go near other people anymore) and raindrops (he won't go outside if there's even a hint of a cloud).

Nudge: Long words (oh, irony, I love you) and disorder (which sucks for her, cause no one around here cleans up).

Gasman: Just crossing the street (so far). He won't go into town with us, even if we go to the hardware store (bomb supplies).

Angel: Symmetrical shapes (she got rid of all her children's books).

So, my life was pretty hectic, and I felt that I deserved a nap, you know? But _noooooo_,don't let Max sleep! She can handle it! Which is what I am assuming went through Gazzy's head when he came barging into my room and dove onto my body.

*oof* "Gazzy, what the heck?" I yelled.

"Max you gotta hide me! YA GOTTA HIDE ME! Iggy's coming after me, and he has… *whispers* silk!" He looked really freaked out, so I picked him up, put him on my bed, and went to go kill… I mean find… Iggy.

He was downstairs, cooking bacon… without a shirt on. I just shook my head- I probably didn't want to know. "Iggy, what did you do to Gazzy?"

He grinned evilly. "Well, he wouldn't let me blow up your closet without telling you, so I got back at him."

I was at a loss for words. "A, why were you trying to blow up my closet? And B, why are you scaring Gazzy with _silk_?"

"Well, A, just because I can. B, he told me yesterday what scared him. And I figured out that he had textophobia!" He looked proudly at my left ear. He's not perfect.

"A, Stay out of my closet! *glare* B, What the heck does that mean?"

"A," he started. I stopped him by holding up a hand. "Enough with the A and B thing."

"It means fear of certain types of fabric. He said how freaked out he got by a certain 'silk' pair of Nudge's pajamas, and here we are!"

I stared. "What's wrong with you?" He looked confused. "Do you like to make my life hectic? Do you like to create chaos? Do you like _interrupting_ my _naps_?"

"Well, actually, yes!" he said smirking. That does it.

I grabbed another frying pan out of a drawer and hit him in the head with a *crack*. He won't be up for a long time. I put the pan away, took the bacon off the stove, walked back upstairs, and laid back in my bed. I was almost asleep when Gazzy crawled out from under my bed.

"Is it safe to come out now, Max?" he asked shakily. I glared at him, grabbed the piece of silk that was in my doorway, and taped it to his head **(A/N: Me: Don't ask where she got the tape… it… magically appeared… in her… time of need. Fang: *eye roll*) **He ran out of my room shrieking, and hit the wall. Then he ran into Fangs room. Excellent. I sighed and went into a peaceful nap.

**A/N: Me: So, I'm thinking this story will be 22 chapters long: Each flock member will have three phobias. There will be three extra chapters inbetween each set of new phobias. And at the end there will be a special chapter for all my reviewers.**

**Fang: *"paid" advertisement* Please check out B's new story School Days. She will continue it if enough people are interested. There will be cookie and waffles. Thank you.**

**Me: Now, see, was that so hard? **

**Fang: Bite me.**

**Me: Ooh, touchy touchy! Fact o' the Day 2: I recently learned how to play Soul Sister on my guitar! Yay me!**

**Fang: *eye roll***

**Me: Your eyes are gonna fall out if you do that too much!**

**Fang: O.O**

**REVIEW! I'M BEGGING YOU! **


	13. Chins

**A/N: Me: Happy (late) Easter everyone!**

**Fang: Woo hoo.**

**Me: Fang, you're such a kill-joy.**

**Fang: *shrug* Whatever.**

**Me: Ugh! I don't know why I even kidnapped you in the first place! Iggy is probably more fun!**

**Fang: Hey! I am way better than Iggy!**

**Me: Oh yeah? You can't cook or make good jokes!**

**Fang: I can too! Watch- *ahem*- What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Jaguar? I don't have a Jaguar in my garage!**

**Me: *smacks* Those are terrible jokes! Not cool Fang! Fact: I write in a journal every night so I can remember what I did if I read it again.**

**Fang: *coughcoughlosercough***

**Me: *whacks with weasel* There! I haven't done that in a while! Oh, check out my new story School Days please! And do I look like a balding middle-aged man? Well, in case you didn't know, I don't. So I don't own MR.**

Fang POV

I was just chilling in my room. Thinking about Max. She's amazing, isn't she? She's pretty, strong, (street) smart, sarcastic, adorably bad at cooking, a great kisser…. Sigh. I loved my life, even with all the crud we've been through.

'_Fang? Can you please keep your mushy-gushy thoughts about Max to yourself?'_

'_Angel? How about you stay out of my head?'_

'_I would Fang, but you're ki-'_

'_Angel? Angel? ANGEL?'_

I burst out of my room and ran down the hall. Something was wrong- Angel never just stops in the middle of sentences like that unless we're being attacked or something. I slammed open her door and found her curled in the corner of her room. I rushed over and picked her up.

"What's wrong Angel?" I've always had a soft spot for her. Shhh. But she couldn't stop sobbing hysterically to talk to me. "Angel, what happened?" I was getting impatient now.

"I… it… and then… you… stop… scared…." I was still only getting every four words.

All of a sudden, Angel spazzed, jumped out of my arms, ran down the hall, and locked herself in _my room_. I run after her.

"Angel, get out of my room this instant!" I yelled, pounding on my door.

"No!" she shrieked. "Not until you get it out of this _country_!" WTF?

"Angel, I have no idea what you're talking about, so _get out of my room!_"

The rest of the flock appeared in the hall behind me.

"Fang, what happened?" Max asked, leaning in close to me. Mmmm she smelled good. Like her coconut shampoo, and orange body wash, and laundry detergent…. No! Bad Fang! Bad! Down boy, down! I shook my head.

"She was raping my mind, and she got cut off all of a sudden. I ran into her room, and she was crying. A lot." Which I can not deal with. Max knew, because I saw her holding down a smirk. "I asked her what was wrong, couldn't get it out of her, and then she locked herself in _my room_."

"OMG what's wrong with Angel? Is it like a bug or something? Cause then we could just kill it. But actually we should put it out into the wild. That way it won't have to die. But OMG we should go out in the wild too, like camping! ZOMG I just had the greatest idea! We could go get a pink tent! That would be waaaaay cool, don't yo-" Nudge was interrupted by Iggy… kissing her? Whoa. Did _not _see that coming. I mean, they have been close, but… well, I guess I'm happy for them. But really? At this minute?

When the kiss broke off, both Nudge and Iggy were blushing Carrot-Top red. Nudge giggled. I saw Max- she looked like her eyes were about to pop out of her head. Ha.

"Guys?" Gazzy said, obviously grossed out by the love fest. "Shouldn't we take care of Angel?" Oh, right.

"Stand back guys." Max said, and we all did. I realized what she was going to do milliseconds before she did it.

"No!" I cried out right as she kicked down my door. It broke in half, and dust went everywhere. Angel was under my bed, talking to… dust bunnies? She's lost it.

"Oh no guys! Get out of here or cut those disgusting things off of your face!" she screamed, actually stinging my eardrum.

Max spoke first. "What things, sweetie?"

"Those hideous chins! They're so useless and ugly and revolting! I can't stand them!"

Max knelt down to her level. When she reached under the bed to get Angel, Angel screamed again, and jumped through my window. With it closed.

"Cool! What is it, break Fang's room day?" I said angrily.

No one listened to me, they just jumped out the window too. Making the hole bigger. #*&^#! We followed Angel's yells through the forest (Max made some lame excuse of checking the backyard. Psh. Fraidy cat. When we found Angel, she was trying to cut off her own chin. With a banana.

To make a long, and painful, story short, we took the banana, Angel passed out and fell into quicksand (oops), we pulled her out, and threw her into her room.

I bumped into Max in the kitchen.

"Fang. Now Angel has geniophobia. This is nuts! We have to go to therapy."

"I'm sure it will all wok out in-"

"No it won't Fang, no it won't!" she interrupted me. "I already have a great place in mind. It's got a renowned doctor working there, and it's proven to work well for OC's and main characters of alike."

I was starting to get a really bad feeling about this. "What is the doctor' name?"

"Uhh… Saint Fang of Boredom." I didn't hear anything else because I had passed out.

**A/N: Me: Hahahahahahahahaha! I told you chapter 14 would be good!**

**Fang: Why, B, why?**

**Me: Because. This story needs more pizzazz. It's flat.**

**Fang: But really? Humor at my expense?**

**Me: *innocent grin* That's the best kind! Please, loyal reviewers, check out my new story School Days. If some people want to read it, then I'll continue. But why waste my time on something no one's gonna read?**

**Fang: In other words, she only writes if people read and review.**

**Me: What he said. Fact: I am terrible at painting nails. Literally, it takes me two hours for my finger nails alone cause I have to keep fixing mistakes. R and R with a fluffy platypus on top!**


	14. Therapy Part 1

**A/N: Me: Sadly, I think I'm gonna stop this story after this chapter :(**

**Fang: **_***thank god* **_**Any particular reason?**

**Me: I'm just running out of stories for the phobias. If anyone wants to continue this story, please PM me first! And it's time I moved on to another story (probably School Days, and I'm also gonna start another story about Max being kidnapped).**

**Fang: What? *whine* Why Max?**

**Me: Because I feel like it! So eat it! *ahem* Anyway… fact: Remember how Blow is my favorite song ever? Well I managed to dance and sing along to it while doing hurdle workouts at track today!**

**Fang: Your soo talented. **

**Me: Shut up Fang! God! And, by the way, if you haven't already, read A Day in Therapy by Saint Fang of Boredom. Not required, but it will save a lot of confusion. And it's a good story. Here is the last Phobias chapter! Never have, but I might yet own MR. But not today :( **

Fang POV ( I know it's Max's turn, but Fang's POV would be funnier!)

We were on our way to Saint's therapy office. How did I know? Well after I passed out (I did not faint!) I woke up to find myself in the back of a van. Mrs. Martinez's, to be exact. My ankles, wrist, and wings were tied up. It took me a minute to remember why I was tied up on the floor…. Oh, riiiiight.

_Flashback_

_I got up off the floor a few minutes after I passed out. Max was still there staring at me._

"_What's your problem?" she asked, looking worried._

"_It's just… bad memories happened at that place." I said, shuddering. Enoby's takeover, the time machine, the emo makeover, the Jesus curing, the love cupcakes, Iggy's attempted rape, the baby girl…. I didn't want to go back. Not ever._

"_When? You've never been there before!" Max said, sounding confused._

_I shook my head. "It was after I left you for those three weeks. When I was trying to make my own flock." I blushed, looking at the floor. We both knew about the note I left, how upset it had made her, and how furious she was when I came back to her. But I never told her why._

"_What happened?" she asked softly. I told her the whole story, shaking a little as I spoke. The worst part was, she kept laughing at me!_

"_It's not funny!" I whispered furiously when I was done. She just shook her head at me and left, calling over her shoulder as she walked out the door, "Get ready. We're leaving in 15 minutes." That's when I hit the floor again._

I guess the buggers thought ahead to how mad I would be when I woke up, and tied me up. Stupid noodle brains.

I clumsily got to my knees to try and hop out the door the first time it opened. And I cursed. Profusely. But that was ignored. But Max and Iggy were right there when Gazzy opened the door. Stupid Angel. She smiled angelically at me. So my escape plan failed. Epically. They practically carried me, kicking and screaming, into the building. It looked like Saint had gotten a new receptionist. King Leonidas. He was still trying to conquer the stapler, though, so I guess Saint was still working on him.

Nudge was trying to talk to him, to see where to meet Saint. But Leonidas kept conquering everything on his desk, from the phone to his pens.

Suddenly, my old 'friend' Pooky walked through the door, talking to Saint. Oh, dear God, kill me now. KILL ME NOW!

I went into overdrive, lashing out and squirming like a Monster-hyped worm. But Iggy and Max had death grips on my arms. Saint looked up from beneath her Cloak of Doom, which only I had ever seen underneath of. Not in that way, you pervs! I meant her face! Geez… creeps.

"Fang!" she cried, rushing to hug me. Then she whacked me with a herring. Same old, same old. "That's for running away!" she said, glaring at me.

"Saint?" Max asked timidly, rightfully scared of the cloaked therapist. "Um… we need your help. Everyone in our flock has some phobias, and they're making life difficult." she finished.

Saint laughed. "Those are the easiest to cure! We'll do a group session, then some one on one. Then everyone should be good to go!" She walked through the double doors into the therapy room wing, beckoning everyone to follow. Holy shit-ake mushrooms. I'm going to die today. Probably by suicide.

****

Saint sat at the 'head' of a large circle in a large, bare room. Going from Saint's right; it was me, Max, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, King Leonidas (who was _still_ trying to conquer his chair), Legolas (who was brushing his hair), Harry Potter (who was trying to stun Saint with a twig), Alice Cullen (who was muttering about Macy's sales), Quil Ateara (who was singing California Girls), Spiffy, and Pooky. The gang's all here.

"Okay, today we are going to start with word association." Saint yelled above the clamor.

"Showers." she said.

"DEMONS!" I screamed uncontrollably.

"Clean." Max.

"Clear." Iggy.

"Awesomeriffic. The feelings totally awesome, you know? Like when-" Nudge.

"Smells good." Gazzy.

"Rare." Angel.

"CONQUER!" Leonidas.

"Clean hair." Legolas.

"Basilisk in the pipes!" Harry.

"Shampoo stores!" Alice.

"Kesha in the bathtub! _Wake up in the morning feel-_" Quil.

"Otters." Saint said after taking notes.

"Fluffy." Me.

"FREAKY!" Max spazzed.

"Brown." Iggy.

"So totally cute! Like, when they wave their paws I just wanna-" Nudge.

"Smell bad." Gazzy.

"Smart minds." Angel.

"CONQUER!" Leonidas.

"Shiny hair." Legolas.

"Related to Skrewts?" Harry.

"Pet store!" Alice.

"Kesha's album Animal!" Quil.

Saint called, "Body odor."

"Gross." Me.

"Often." Max.

"MY SENSITIVE NOSE!" Iggy jumped up, got whacked with a herring, and sat down.

"Eww gross! Why don't people just like-" Nudge.

"Me!" Gazzy.

"Stinky!" Angel.

"CONQUER!" Leonidas.

"Hair still smells good.." Legolas.

"Hagrid." Harry.

"Deodorant packs at Target!" Alice.

"Sweat! _The sweat drippin down my-_" Quil.

"How about long words?" (read above for order)

"Onamanapia."

"Quantam physics."

"Dinitrogen Tetroxide."

"EEEEK! LIKE, ZOMG HELP MEEEEEE! MAXFANGIGGYGAZZYANGEL-"

"Sulfur Tetraphosphorous."

"."

"CONQUER!"

"Long hair."

"_Ridikulous!_"

"Polyester!"

"Whiz Kaleefa! _Black and yellow, black and yell-_"

"Now crosswalks!"

"Annoying."

"Long."

"Noisy."

"OMG there are so many people at NYC crosswalks! Like one time, we-"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE AND BE ROAD PIZZA!"

"Too many thoughts!"

"CONQUER!"

"Braids!"

"Broomsticks are better!"

"Shoe sales!"

"Walking! _Now walk it out, walk it out, walk it ou-_"

"What about symmetrical shapes?"

"Weird."

"Simple."

"I don't know."

"They're so cool, the way they're the same on both sides! I wish-"

"Don't care."

"EVIL DISGUSTING VILE CREATURES!"

"CONQUER!"

"Even hair line!"

"Dragon eggs aren't symmetrical."

"Eyebrow waxing!"

"The same, not different. _You're hot and you're cold, you're-"_

**Six very similar rounds of shouting later….**

Saint sat in her chair rubbing her temples. "OK. Obviously this isn't helping anyone. Fang, you're still afraid of shower demons and black. Max, you have an irrational fear of otters and trees. Iggy, you can't stand BO or raindrops. Nudge, long words and disorder freak you out. Gazzy, you're afraid of crosswalks and silk. Angel, you are terrified of symmetrical shapes and chins. Leonidas still wants to conquer everything. Legolas is obsessed with his hair. All Harry can think about is Hogwarts. Alice is addicted to shopping. And Quil won't stop singing." she read off of her notebook.

Iggy raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure we already knew all that."

"I know, but it isn't working!" Saint snapped back. She sighed. "Look like we'll have to go one on one, Flock. The rest of you, get back to your cells. I'm tired of you for today."

**A/N: So… I lied. This isn't the last chapter. It's really long, so I'll split up the ending into two parts.**

**Fang: Meaning, she doesn't have any idea how to end it well.**

**Me: I do, too! Um… if you have any ideas, tell me! I mean, I know the basic ending, I just don't know how to get there. And should they be cured for good, or not?**

**Fang: That is the question.**

**Me: *eyeroll* Fact: I freakin love thunderstorms. They're so loud and cool. Just not tornadoes or hurricanes, cause they can destroy my house O.O Reveiwreviewreveiw my friends!**


	15. Therapy Part 2

**A/N: Me: I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated! I had two projects to do on Friday, a funeral yesterday, and a show today.**

**Fang: Um, no one really cares.**

**Me: You know what, Fang? I'm tired of your sass.**

**Fang: ….**

**Me: That's better. OK, this is the end. For real this time. For cereal.**

**Fang: For cereal? Really?**

**Me: Yes. For cereal. OK, fact: I hate icing. I can't stand it. I east cupcakes upside down I hate it so much. **

**Fang: You're so weird!**

**Me: Says the mutant freak.**

**Fang: Ouch.**

**Me: *Innocent smile* I don't own MR, but I pretty much own Fang.**

Fang POV

Oh no. I was first. Of _course_. I was contemplating ways of quick suicides as I followed Saint into her office for my 'individual therapy'. It looked the same as when I was here. Saint sat and motioned for me to do the same.

"Ok, Fang. We have to get to the bottom of your phobias. Showers and… black? It's weird seeing you in non-black clothing." she said formally. I nodded.

"Let's see… I could try electroshock… or Chinese water torture… ooh I have that stretching rack in the basement… maybe I could get a potion from Snape…." Saint said, talking to herself. I sincerely hoped she wouldn't do any of those things.

"Ok. Let's hook you up."

"Um, where?"

"Electro-shock chair, of course!" she said, flashing me an unholy smile. Oh nubcakes.

****

I was sitting, strapped down, in a wooden chair with a metal bowl on my head. Saint was standing at a control box. "Ok, Fang," she started, "I'm gonna expose you to your fears, and every time you flinch, you'll get shocked. Each time, the shock gets stronger. Have fun!" she said, smiling angelically.

She took out a shower head, it seemed like from her robe pocket, and sprayed me with it. I screamed- loud. The shower demons were gonna kill me! I got a big shock from my head to my feet. Saint then threw black paint all over me. I started hyperventilating, trying to get it off of me. I got a bigger shock.

She continued to alternately spray me with shower water and throw various black things on me (paint, feathers, clothes, paper, Kanye West, lol jk, shoes, you name it) for a total of 3 hours, 28 minutes, and 59 seconds. She only stopped when I no longer screamed like a little girl and/or spazzed out like a chipmunk on crack.

She came and unlocked me form my chair. "There there Fangy, all better. You can go back to the meeting room and send in Max." she said, while helping me up. All I could do was nod and stumble to the door, putting out the occasional fire on my burned clothes.

****

Max POV

Fang limped inside the room, barely conscious and smoking. Oh lordy. I have a bad feeling about this. I walked slowly to Saint's office down the hall.

"Welcome, Max." the therapist said from beneath her cloak.

"Um… hi." I said nervously.

"Today we are just gonna expose you to your fears until you no longer fear them."

She got up from her chair and went to a cage in the corner of the room. She reached in, and pulled out… an otter! Holy #$^&*! I jumped onto her desk, and then onto her filing cabinets, trying to get away from the freakyness. "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"

"You need to face your fears, Max." she exclaimed, while shoving the otter in my face. I twisted away from it, and jumped to the ground. I ran to the door, but she had locked it!

I whirled around. "UNLOCK THE DOOR! I NEED TO LEAVE! THAT THING IS CREEPY! DO YOU EVEN SEE IT'S PAWS?"

Saint walked up to me and put the otter _on my head_. I screamed and ran around the room in a tight circle, but it had a death grip in my hair. I screamed even harder.

****

Well, two hours later, the otter was back in its cage. Saint eventually had to give me Valium, which made me go cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but also made me calm down enough to hold the otter. It wasn't so bad, I guess.

"Ok," Saint panted, "next phobia." She then took one of those mini bonsai trees out of a desk drawer. I immediately started to shake like a seizure. "Um, no thanks." I managed to squeak out, backing away. Saint followed with the tree.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," I chanted, near hysterics. Saint deliberately brushed the tree against my arm, making me go up in hives. "I've had enough therapy, I think. I'm gonna go home now. Kthxbai." I said, my voice shaking. Saint looked positively evil with the mother-fudging tree in her arms, walking slowly after me. That's when I passed out, I think.

****

I woke up to a tree on my face. Oddly, though, I was just annoyed that it was on my _face_. I mean, seriously? I took a moment to register this fact, and I realized that I was cured! I jumped up, but I was back in the therapy room, with the flock minus Iggy. I hope he's ok.

Iggy POV

I heard someone, Fang and Nudge, dragging someone else over the floor.

"It's Max. She's unconscious. But it's your turn." Fang explained. Uh oh. What was I getting into? I walked down the hall I had memorized and went into Saint's office.

"Have a seat, Iggy. We're going to be doing some… different therapy today. Unfortunately, you cant struggle, so I have to do this. She plunged a needle into my arm, from god knows where, and then I was out.

****

I came to strapped to a table. My arms and ankles were tied tight, stretched straight out to their limits. I smelled… rope and wood. Was this a… no… it can't be.

"This is my brand new stretching rack. Every time you flinch or scream or whatever, you get stretched another inch." Saint exclaimed cheerfully from my right shoulder. Uh oh. It is.

I felt water being dripped on my face. Oh no, they're back to get me! I started yelling and cursing and thrashing, but my arms and legs got pulled even tighter, causing me to hiss in a breath. Saint then sprayed an aerosol can in my face of… oh, god! BO! My nose couldn't take it! So I whimpered and screamed and tried to rip the ropes. But I got pulled even further apart.

This continued for a good four and a half hours, or at least until I couldn't feel my arms and legs anymore. I had just stopped reacting, too much in pain to worry about stupid phobias, so Saint untied me. I tried to get up, but I collapsed on the floor, painfully hitting my head. Saint sighed, then called for Spiffy and Pooky (I still don't know who or what they are) to get me a wheel chair. I gratefully leaned back in the wheelchair, enjoying relaxing my limbs. Poor Nudge.

****

Nudge POV

OMG Iggy came back in a wheel chair! I wonder what Saints gonna do? I didn't want to know but I wanted to make Max happy, so I had to. You know how you don't want to disappoint people? Well, I feel that way all the time, especially when- oh here's the office!

I was greeted by Saint yelling out random words. Nitrophenylenediamine! ! Constantinopolitan maladministration Superinduces denationalization!"

I was, actually, speechless. "OMG those word are like so totally long! Like, how did you memorize them all? And learn how to pronounce them? I want to-" I was interrupted by Saint.

"The shock factor works! Yes! Nudge, I gave you some of the longest words in the English language, and you didn't even react!"

"ZOMG you are so totally right! That is so cool! How did you know? Why aren't I hurt like-"

"Nudge!" she yelled. "Next phobia! Follow me."

I walked after her, down some stairs, and into a unit called "schizo unit". I wonder what that means? It's a weird word, like- "OMG IT IS A DISASTER IN HERE!" I screamed, tearing my hair out. I started bashing into the wall to try and escape. It was just sooo messy in here! It was so disorganized! I couldn't handle it! I'm gonna puke! I did. Saint grabbed my waist and threw me into the _biggest_ pile of dirty laundry in the hall! I jumped out, spluttering. "Saint, I'm gonna kill you! These clothes are-"

"Nudge!" she yelled.

"What?" I yelled back.

"You're cured."

"Ohhh mmmk thanks!" I skipped back to the therapy room. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.

****

Gazzy POV

Nudge came skipping in here, although she smelled pretty bad and had a dirty sock in her hair. "Your turn Gazzy!' she sang, sitting in her chair. Hm. Maybe my treatment won't be so bad.

As I walked into her office, she faced me… I think. I couldn't tell because of her cloak. "Gazzy, I want to cure you. This is for your own good. Here, take this!" she threw a ball of silk at me. Oh my God! Nooooooo! I squealed, dropped it, and hid under her desk.  
>"You know, unless you're too chicken to keep it." Saint said conversationally.<p>

"What?"

"I bet you have 2% chicken DNA. Bet you can't handle this, either." she showed her computer screen, which was playing clips of people crossing the street. I screamed and hid under the edge of her cloak.

"Yup. Definitely chicken DNA. Do you cluck, too?"

"Listen, lady! I am not a mother truckin' chicken!" I screamed at her. But I still was hiding from the silk and street crossing. You don't even know. You. Don't. Even. Know.

"Then be a man, and watch the video and hold the silk. But… if you're too chicken…." she taunted me.

"Fine! Is stormed over, picked up the silk, and watched the people on the screen. Sure, tit was super scary, I peed myself a little, I think, but eventually I was all right.

"Yes! Score for verse psychology!" Saint shouting, fist pumping the air. Oh. Psh, I knew that….

****

Angel POV

Gazzy walked in whistling. I had read everyone's minds, and believe me, nothing Saint did would work. For my phobias, or for me. I walked in anyway.

****

It had been six hours. Saint has tried everything. Electroshock, facing my fears, stretching rack, shock factor, reverse psychology, even ink pictures. But I still wasn't right. She finally vocalized her frustration (I had been hearing it inside her ehad for hours) by throwing her clipboard. "That's it! You must be possessed or something! Fang wasn't even this hard!"

"Well…" I said, then I started to change. I grew my horns, I turned all red, I grew in size, and my wings and hair turned blacker than Fang's. Fire raced around me and the room. I roared at Saint. She didn't look frightened, though, just thoughtful. Unfortunately, I couldn't read minds while in this form. So I was unprepared for what she did next.

Saint grabbed a vial of holy water and a cross form her robe, and shouted at the top of her lungs, "**BY THE POWER OF JESUS CHRIST, BE GONE, SATAN!" **She threw the holy water in me, and stabbed me with the cross. I roared in pain, and started to shrink. When I was finally back to normal, I hugged Saint really hard. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I cried.

"It's cool." she said, grinning, "I've been waiting to do that all day!"

****

Fang POV

Angel walked in, hand in hand, with Saint. "Well, you're all cured!" Saint proclaimed. This was met by cheers and shouts. And my nod. We paid at the desk, which was now being (wo)manned by Alice. As we walked out into the night, I hugged Max, so glad that this was all over.

"A NEWSPAPER! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! AAAAAAH SAVE ME! I'M GONNA DIE! HEEEEEEEEELP!" Or not.

**A/N: Me: Sorry the younger kids' things are so short. It's kind of a sucky ending. I don't like it. **

**Fang: Me neither. Electroshock? Really?**

**Me: Yep! This is goodbye, or at least until my next story! Last fact: I will eat whipped cream anytime, any day. It is amazing!**

**Fang: Before she starts rambling like Nudge, see ya in another story.**

**Me: Oh yeah, and if you reviewed at all, you will want to read the next 'chapter'!**

**Fang: *coughcoughauthor'snotecoughcough***

**Me: *glare* I will kill you in your sleep with a dull rusty knife!**

**Fang: O.o**

**REVIEW!**


	16. Thank You!

Fang: She tricked you all!

Me: Don't kill me! This is just an author's note! But I wanted to give thanks to my loyal reviewers (and my caps lock key… *pets* poor, overused thing….).

Chapter 1:

CrazyMax13

Melody Calls

TheCatWithTheHat

CHIA PETS -n- CHINCHILLAS

Neon shoelaces and Fax

Tanya

Wingedgymnast12

Chapter 2:

Melody Calls

GirlWithTheBrokenWings

coolioperson18

TheCatWithTheHat

CHIA PETS -n- CHINCHILLAS

BeautifulShadowsKeybearer1317

FangtasticalFang

guitardude10000000

Neon shoelaces and Fax

Chapter 3:

TheCatWithTheHat

Wingedgymnast12

whocares1313

Neon shoelaces and Fax

Chapter 4:

Panica

CrazyMax13

shatteringsun

Hell'sAngel'sQueen

Cherryberry758

NeonShoelaces

TheCatWithTheHat

FangtasticalFang

Cat In The Fedora Hat

Neon shoelaces and Fax

Chapter 5:

FangtasticalFang

TheCatWithTheHat

Chapter 6:

Splotchpelt

xXB-A-C-O-N Spells LOVEXx

FangtasticalFang

MaximumX

Chapter 7:

FangtasticalFang

TheCatWithTheHat

xXB-A-C-O-N Spells LOVEXx

Chapter 8:

FangtasticalFang

Axe09

TheCatWithTheHat

xXB-A-C-O-N Spells LOVEXx

stonestream2 (x3)

i-dont-tell-strangers-my-name

Chapter 9:

FangtasticalFang

Skyclaw

Axe09

Chapter 10:

xXB-A-C-O-N Spells LOVEXx

TheCatWithTheHat

CrazyMax13

Neonshoelaces and Fax

Chapter 11:

TheCatWithTheHat

Chapter 12:

None *sniff sniff* :(

Chapter 13:

mangagirlworshipsNarutomanga

TheCatWithTheHat

xXB-A-C-O-N Spells LOVEXx

Chapter 14:

TheCatWithTheHat

Chapter 15:

TheCatWithTheHat

Me: I would definitely have to say that the most loyal reviewer goes to:

TheCatWithTheHat! 13/15 chapters! Yayy!

Fang: Neon Shoelaces and Fax and Bacon we're also there the whole way.

Me: We thank you very much! Wothout you, it just wouldn't be the same. See you in School Days!


	17. Facebook Page!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that I have created a Facebook page, so go and like it right now!

You'll receive funny quotes and sayings, crazy sh*t that happens to us, updates on stories, hints to upcoming stories, polls, and another way to ask me questions and talk to me!

Just search It's Fnicking Awesomeness- it's the only one!

P.S. Names and such will not be used creepily/scarily/for spamming/etc.


	18. Tumblr Blog!

Hello MR Fans! This is an announcement that I have created a Tumblr blog. Not just any Tumblr blog- a Maximum Ride role play group blog.

What this means is you can go on Tumblr, and message me as a MR character (or an OC- I don't care) and our characters can talk, interact, and have adventures and stuff.

I know it sounds kinda dumb, but trust me- it's not. I'm already part of an Avengers role play group, and it's so much fun writing as your favourite character while interacting with your other favourite characters.

For an example of an amazing role play group, go here (no spaces, obviously): kneel-to-your-king. tumblr

So, what I would like you guys to do, is go on Tumblr and create an account of a MR character (or make your own mutant, white coat, or whatever!) and then message and follow me at 'please-do-not-fang-bang' (I'm a Fang, hehe). Then send me an ask, and out characters will do stuff!

If you already have a Tumblr, you can still interact with me as that, or just make another one using a different email (I, for one, have three different accounts :3).

I have never seen anything like this for the Maximum Ride fandom, so I think it could be really big and could be so much fun! Thanks so much!


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